Most people did not plan to become single parents. 87% of single parents confessed to this. Single parenthood can be a tightrop walk - a balance between the workplace, domestic life and the needs of children prone to act out when there is no dad or mom at home. This status if not carefully managed can destroy one emotionally, socially, psychologically and otherwise.
The good news is that there are a few tips to help you manage your child/children and organise your home. These tips will help you "take back control". This is really important because every single parent overwhelmed with kids' behavior need to get organised and assert their role as the head of the household. Let's get started with the tips;
1. CONNECT WITH YOUR CHILD/CHILDREN
It is very important that you share sometime with your child/children to connect more with them. This will help you build a strong family routine and stick to it. Allocate time for chores and time to spend as a family. One of the best moments to spend together is "the meal time".................. I call this the US TIME. According to COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY'S NATIONAL CENTER ON ADDICTION AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE, children of families that eat together as less likely to exhibit behavioral problems, including experimentation with drugs and alcohol. The same children are less likely to exhibit symptoms of depression, and more likely to excel academically.
Do not ever forget that times spent together are where behaviors are shaped and reinforced.
2. ESTABLISH GROUND RULES
Now you need to stay in control. Raising children by yourself means you do not have anyone there to back you up if they wont play nicely. Keep them co-operating by making expectations clear when it comes to behavior. Ensure that you establish a clear set of house rules and agree together as a family on consequences for not sticking to these rules. When you get your child/children involved in setting rules and regulations they share in the responsibility of keeping and will often be the ones to remind you when the rules are broken even by them.
3. LEARN TO PRAISE
Behavior is often a search for approval in disguise. Find opportunities everyday to praise good behaviors. I call this a wonder recipe. It boosts your child/children confidence and help in mental development.
4. HIDE YOUR DOWN TIME
Every single parent has what I call A DOWN TIME. Now this is a time your emotion takes a toll on you and such moments are very dangerous moments to spend with the children. I often advise that if you notice you 're slipping into your down time, try as much as you can to snap out of it as fast as you can but if this is not happening, then please try to keep your child/children out of sight else you may be tempted to transfer the aggression on them and this is very dangerous as it is very likely to destroy your child/children's emotions. When I was teaching, it was very easy to pick out children from such homes because the parents couldn't manage their down times independent of them.
5. PLAY A REPORTER
Interview your child/children and let them interview you. This will help you understand their needs, wants and personal goal.
6. PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING
Your child/children will open up to you when you try to understand their words. This will help you validate their feelings. Remember that in a child's world, big things may be small and small things big. By understanding his/her feelings, a parent can guide a child toward an understanding of complex situations.
7. BUILD A NETWORK
You need to understand that you are not the only single parent and also that God does not love you less. Build a community of friends, co-workers, support groups and other single parents. Loneliness is one of the greatest challenges of a single parent but this can be handled with healthy activities with these group of people I just mentioned. Take very good care of yourself, ask for help and do not shy away when it is offered.
Finally, be honest with your children about the changes in your life, recognise and accept the fact that you can not be both parents, share the job of parenting with other parents around you and remember that there is no such thing as A PERFECT PARENT.
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