HOW TO IDENTIFY “RED FLAGS” IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP (PART 2)

SIGNIFICANT FAMILY AND FRIENDS DON’T LIKE YOUR PARTNER

 If there is something “off" about this person that seems obvious to those who know you so well, you may need to listen to what they’re telling you. Often, in the heat of a new relationship, hearing criticism about your new “beloved” may not be welcome, but others may see things more clearly from an outsider’s perspective. At the very least, hear these people out. You don’t have to call off the relationship as soon as you hear these things, but it is a pointer that you need to pause and look closely.

 Similarly, a partner may attempt to “divide and conquer,” driving a wedge between you and other significant people in your life. They may be jealous of your ongoing relationships with these people or simply feel the need to control where you go and who you associate with, limiting your world to allow in only what is important to them. Sometimes, they may make you choose them over significant others as an expression of "love."

FEELING INSECURE IN THE RELATIONSHIP: You may often feel that you don’t know where you stand in a relationship. Rather than moving forward, building on shared experiences that should be strengthening your connection, you feel uncomfortable, uncertain, or anxious about where it is heading. You may seek reassurances from your partner, but somehow these are only momentary and fleeting. As a result, you may be working double duty to keep the relationship on track while your partner contributes little. If you find yourself doing this, then you are most definitely NOT on the right track.

NON RESOLUTION OF PAST RELATIONSHIPS: These include not just intimate relationships but those with family members and friends. If a person is unable to evaluate why past relationships haven’t worked out, or consistently blames the other party for all of the problems, you can bet with a great deal of confidence that the same thing could happen with your relationship.

The relationship is built on the need to feel needed. Often we enter into a relationship strongly identified with our needs. The need may be that you, my partner, must do certain things for me to make me feel secure and satisfied, or that you allow me, your partner, to feel needed by fulfilling your needs. If this dynamic is the focal point of a relationship, however, there may be little room for real growth, individually or as a couple.

ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR: Finally, and of course, any form of abuse, from the seemingly mild to the overtly obvious—verbal, emotional, psychological, and certainly physical—is not just a red flag but a huge banner telling you to get out immediately and never look back.

A red flag is a good intuitive image to help you process what you’re really feeling.

Learn to trust what you feel. Your “inner you” is probably right.