PARENTING A CHILD WHO IS SEXUALLY ABUSED – PART 1 (EDUCATING YOURSELF)

I want to first of all, start by defining “child abuse” as a physical maltreatment or sexual molestation of a child. In Nigeria and other parts of Africa as well as the world at large, child sexual abuse has been on the increase.

According to The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSC) child sexual abuse is defined as “…any interaction between a child and an adult (or another child) in which the child is used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or an observer. Sexual abuse can include both touching and non-touching behaviors. Touching behaviors may involve touching of the vagina, penis, breasts or buttocks, oral-genital contact, or sexual intercourse. Non-touching behaviors can include voyeurism (trying to look at a child’s naked body), exhibitionism, or exposing the child to pornography. Abusers often do not use physical force but may use play, deception, threats, or other forms of coercion to engage children and maintain their silence. Abusers frequently employ persuasive and manipulative tactics to keep the child engaged. These tactics—referred to as ‘grooming’—may include buying gifts or arranging special activities, which can further confuse the victim.”

As a parent; either biological or adoptive parent (and this includes parenting a domestic staff) the first and most important thing to do is to learn about child abuse and get yourself well equipped with very vital information on this. Remember that every child in your custody is your child, biological or not and so the best thing to do to safe him/her when you find out he/she has been “misbehaving” is not to send him/her away, but to help! And so, it is important to first of all learn about;

SIGNS OF SEXUAL ABUSE

If you are parenting a child who has been taken away from his/her family, it may be difficult to tell if the child has been sexually abused or not as there may be no prior record of abuse and many children do not disclose past abuse until they feel safe to do so. This can only happen if you know how to go about it. The following are signs that you may be living with a sexually abused child;

-         Sudden or extreme mood swings: withdrawal, fear, anger, rage or excessive crying.

-         Keeping a distance or always appearing to be in a trance

-         Loss of appetite or difficulty in eating and most times forgetting to even swallow the food in his/her mouth.

-         Unexplained avoidance of certain places or people and even activities.

-         Accidentally cutting, burning or other self-mutilating behaviors.

-         Behaving younger than his/her actual age; bed wetting, finger sucking, shyness, etc.

-         Suddenly having money or other expensive possessions.

These are red flags designed to alert you to the fact that your child may be under some underlying dangers. In my next edition, I shall be sharing some very “useful tips on how to help a sexually abused child”