PARENTING A CHILD WHO
IS SEXUALLY ABUSED – PART 1 (EDUCATING YOURSELF)
I want to
first of all, start by defining “child abuse” as a physical maltreatment or
sexual molestation of a child. In Nigeria and other parts of Africa as well as
the world at large, child sexual abuse has been on the increase.
According to
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSC) child sexual abuse is
defined as “…any
interaction between a child and an adult (or another child) in which the child
is used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or an observer. Sexual
abuse can include both touching and non-touching behaviors. Touching behaviors
may involve touching of the vagina, penis, breasts or buttocks, oral-genital
contact, or sexual intercourse. Non-touching behaviors can include voyeurism
(trying to look at a child’s naked body), exhibitionism, or exposing the child
to pornography. Abusers often do not use physical force but may use play,
deception, threats, or other forms of coercion to engage children and maintain
their silence. Abusers frequently employ persuasive and manipulative tactics to
keep the child engaged. These tactics—referred to as ‘grooming’—may include
buying gifts or arranging special activities, which can further confuse the
victim.”
As a parent;
either biological or adoptive parent (and this includes parenting a domestic
staff) the first and most important thing to do is to learn about child abuse
and get yourself well equipped with very vital information on this. Remember that
every child in your custody is your child, biological or not and so the best
thing to do to safe him/her when you find out he/she has been “misbehaving” is
not to send him/her away, but to help! And so, it is important to first of all
learn about;
SIGNS OF SEXUAL ABUSE
If you are
parenting a child who has been taken away from his/her family, it may be
difficult to tell if the child has been sexually abused or not as there may be
no prior record of abuse and many children do not disclose past abuse until
they feel safe to do so. This can only happen if you know how to go about it. The
following are signs that you may be living with a sexually abused child;
-
Sudden
or extreme mood swings: withdrawal, fear, anger, rage or excessive crying.
-
Keeping
a distance or always appearing to be in a trance
-
Loss
of appetite or difficulty in eating and most times forgetting to even swallow
the food in his/her mouth.
-
Unexplained
avoidance of certain places or people and even activities.
-
Accidentally
cutting, burning or other self-mutilating behaviors.
-
Behaving
younger than his/her actual age; bed wetting, finger sucking, shyness, etc.
-
Suddenly
having money or other expensive possessions.
These are
red flags designed to alert you to the fact that your child may be under some
underlying dangers. In my next edition, I shall be sharing some very “useful tips on how to help a
sexually abused child”
